Certain Things
by Yui-Mag
Summary: There are times when its the constant barrage of little things that get you down.Lately, Touya Akira has been having a hard time keeping at bay the little things, the little nagging voices, and the insecurity that he never lets anyone see is starting to c
1. Chapter 1

Certain Things…

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters from the anime/manga series Hikaru no Go. In addition the lyrics used are not my own, they're from the new Garbage cd and the song is called "It's all over but the crying."

Ch1

Touya, Akira sat straighter in the chair at his father's Go Salon. His expression was composed and his serious green eyes revealed none of the emotions that were warring within him. Almost absently, the young man picked up a go stone and placed it more out of habit than anything else on the wooden go board. The sound of stone hitting the wooden surface should have been comforting.

The key words were 'should have been…'

/Everything you think you know baby, is wrong/

He was tired. Drained. But that didn't stop him. It would not stop him. It could not… His eyes flickered over the go board before he picked up another stone. He placed it as well and continued, forming a pattern that was all too familiar to his brain. Instead of calming him though, the pattern seemed to mock him. As did the empty seat that sat opposite of him. So much for the promises of changing…Akira snorted and shook his head. With deft movement that belied the years of practice, he scooped up the stones and separated them into their appropriate containers.

He was tired of always being the one who waited.

The one who was hurt.

The one who was silent.

Who was alone…

/And everything you think you had baby, is gone/

His parents had left today once again for China. His announcement that he was ready to move out of the house before they left had brought outright relief from his parents. Akira knew that part of the reason for this relief was due to the fact that his mother worried about him being alone in their big house. Alone in a big house or alone in a small apartment made little difference to Akira. In his mind, alone was alone. Either way he would have no one to come home to. And that was that.

Akira placed a stone down that he'd been playing with between his fingers. He started reconstructing a new game. Another memory. His hands played the moves almost absently as his mind continued to contemplate.

He hadn't realized that their relief would hurt just like he hadn't known waiting for Shindo to come day in and day out for their usual game of go would hurt as well.

He was used to being alone.

So why was it any different now?

Why did he feel so used? Betrayed? The words sounded ugly to his brain and unjustified. They didn't make any sense. Nothing made sense anymore.

He was floundering and he didn't know why.

/Certain things turn ugly when you think too hard/

Maybe it was just a doubt that had started out as a question in the back of his mind.

Why was he playing go?

Yes he loved the game. Yes it was his passion, the air he breathed in…his life and soul. But.

But truth be told, he had not started playing go because of all those reasons.

He had started playing because he wanted his father to see him. To see _him_.

Akira had thought, had secretly hoped that if he could play and be the best at go, then he could stop being simply third best in his father's eyes. Being third to go and his mother had been hard as a child even if he hadn't really understood it at the time.

The stone he placed down crashed against the wood. The sound echoed in his ears and he stopped, realizing belatedly that his breath had started to come in more rapidly. He needed to calm down. Akira picked up another stone, eyes scanning the growing pattern. It was mocking him again.

Damn it.

How does she stand it? How could his mother stand to have a husband she loved not place her above a game of stones and intricate patterns that only a few could see and understand? She seemed to accept it so blindly as if there was nothing that she could do except to accept and try to understand. But it hurt… knowing. And only an emotionally blind person would not be aware of it. And though Akira was aware that many thought he was emotionally handicapped, had a stick up his ass and etc… he definitely was not blind enough to not know that he and his mother had little importance in his father's eyes in comparison to this game. And god it hurt.

/And nagging little thoughts

Change into things you can't turn off/

Akira had been blind to it at one point. No…not blind, just happily ignoring it as he strived to better himself in every way possible to get his father's approval. In doing so, he too placed the game before his mother. Like father, like son.

The green eyes dulled. The pale hand wavered. The pattern was wrong. He had to start again. He picked it apart and began anew.

When had the thought, the question, the doubt become clear to him? Become a festering wound that he kept from everyone… not that anyone cared enough….He shook his head, shoulder length hair flying and disturbing the air around him. A scene played in the back of his head erasing the pattern from his mind that he'd been trying to recreate. He sat back and let it wash over him finally, tired of trying to keep it at bay and go back to ignoring it like he had before.

He'd been getting ready to leave for a go study group. If he closed his eyes, he could almost remember the feeling of the harsher fabric pushing his sweater closer to his skin as he shrugged the coat on. His mother had been cleaning the living room and had made the off hand comment that they would be eating dinner at home. Strange. Weren't they going to visit father at the hospital? He'd asked and been told his father had said not to be bothered as he was going to be playing an important go game and did not want to be interrupted. Akira had been startled at first. Too startled to be hurt.

_"You and he are really only about Go." _His mother has whispered not bothering to turn around and look at her son as he said goodbye and made his way out. Akira physically winced at the memory of the words. His eyes opened. The memory was pushed aside.

A quick glance at the clock on the wall told him that Shindo was an hour and half late. Akira had waited longer than that for the other boy on previous occasions. He didn't wish to relive the experience that had left a bitter taste in his mouth. He didn't think he could handle it at the moment.

2nd best. 3rd best. What did it matter?

He would never be first in anybody's thoughts. Not his family… not his rival… not even in the game.

/Everything you think you know baby, is wrong./

"Leaving already, Akira-kun?" Ichikawa-san asked her voice slightly worried. He gave her a smile and nodded, the reassuring words that were at the tip of his voice wavering. He didn't know if he could say them out loud without getting caught in the lie.

"Yes. I have…" He stumbled a bit over the next words. "…homework to do." He bowed his head so as to not have to see the worry melting away from those expressive eyes of hers. He made sure to thank the young woman properly as she handed him his backpack, not even thinking to question his words. Her cheerful and trusting goodbye almost made him want to take it all back and he didn't know why.

Tired. He was tired. That was the reason he was behaving this way. That was the reason the thoughts that he could usually will away were staying and hounding him and making him lose his concentration like some lost child. He made his way to the bus station, green eyes focused inward. His hand passed through his long hair without thought, brushing the strands away from his face.

The bus did not make him wait long as it arrived a few minutes after he did. He climbed in, money already in hand. A polite smile curled his lips upwards in greeting towards the bus driver. He found an empty seat and lowered himself into it. The smile dropped from that face that was too young and too old at the same time. His body unwound slightly from the usual rigid stance, a slouch curving his shoulders just barely. His head touched the window as his eyes followed the moving scenery.

And again the thoughts he couldn't escape came to him.

Heart attack. His father had had a heart attack on the day Akira had been scheduled to play Shindo. He remembered feeling like someone had sucker punched him and ripped his heart out in the process. He remembered seeing in a daze that his mother was crying and trying not to. He remembered feeling lost and scared. To think… a few weeks after that, his father had told his mother not to _bother_ to come and visit so to not _interrupt_ his go game. Damn the man! Akira was trembling. Didn't he know? Didn't he see how scared the two of them had been for his health, for his safety? Screw the fact that the doctors had said he was on the mend and doing much better. He was still in the hospital! And Akira had needed to see for himself daily, that his father was truly on the mend. And that day, he hadn't been allowed. Hadn't been allowed because his father's love for go had been greater than his love for son and wife. Akira snorted softly, his warm breath creating an ephemeral fog on the window his face was pressing against. He was being ridiculous and unfair. How could his father know what went on in his son's mind anyway? Apart from go, communication between them had been…weak.

Akira had always seen his father as being solid, strong, someone that would always be there… that illusion had been shattered beyond recognition. And no matter how many times he tried to pick up the pieces and glue them back together…the worry in his mother's eyes as she tried to get his father to slow down his pace, to not play go every second of every minute of every hour…would break the pieces into even smaller ones. She had always supported Akira's father in every move and decision he made.

Now though, she followed him everywhere, a silent shadow.

Akira was scared.

Nothing in his world was where it should be. He didn't think it ever could be again.

/It's all over but the crying/

A blinking light from the answering machine caught Akira's attention the minute he stepped into the house. With a quick motion, he pressed the button and waited to hear who had called. Ogata-sensei? His mind asked, naming the possibilities as the machine told him clearly that he only had one message. Ashiwara? The time was given. One of his father's students? And then…

"Akira? Your mother and I just wanted to let you know that we arrived safely and on time." His father's voice was clear and its sound startled Akira into pausing where he was. His hand had been reaching to loosen the tie around his neck. It stilled. His head tilted towards the sound of the familiar voice. For a moment it was comforting. "You must be at the Go salon. We'll try calling tomorrow and your mother is asking me to wish you good luck for your match on Wednesday. I have every faith that you will make us proud once again." For a moment. His heart had stopped at the mention of Go. Now it resumed its dull beat. His hand finished the task that it had begun. "Take care of yourself." When had he not? "You know where to reach us if needed." Click. End of message. He pushed another button that would delete it and he heard the soft buzz to let him know that the tape was being rewound. He did indeed know how to reach them. He also knew who to call if needed. The thought was just a bit bitter, just a bit tired, just a bit sad. Ogata-sensei was the one he would turn to first. He knew that. Not his father… but Ogata-sensei. The man had been the first to know that he'd passed his Go exams. The first to acknowledge him to the professional world of theirs. It was he, Akira would call if he needed anything.

And not his father.

He slipped the tie over hid head and made his way up the stairs, dropping it listlessly into the laundry basket when he passed it.

/Fade to black, I'm sick of trying/

He ignored the backpack full of homework waiting to be done. He even ignored the growing hunger pans within him. The young man simply sank with in his bed, ignoring the voices in his head saying everything he was supposed to do and everything he was supposed to stand for. Akira closed his eyes, trying to find relief in the darkness that sleep could and would provide him if it came to embrace him. It didn't for the longest of times and Akira was left alone to fend off his own thoughts that were trying to drown him.

To Be Continued...


	2. Chapter 2

Ch2

When the sun rose announcing the beginning of a brand new day, it came too early. Akira got up, feeling more tired than before. Had he gotten any sleep? Any at all? By the way his eyes felt dry and blinked against the harsh morning light, not likely. He sighed, rubbing at his eyes. Silently, more out of habit than out of consideration for others since he was alone, he made his way to the bathroom. A warm shower could fix anything, right?

Right.

He needed to move out of the house soon.

It must be the emptiness that was getting to him.

That was all.

He closed his eyes as he stepped under the hot spray of water. Mentally shying away from the darker thoughts, he started making a list of his schedule. He didn't have a game today. He had one student in the morning before class, two in the afternoon after school.

He was supposed to meet Shindo after all of that but Akira wasn't going to hold his breath.

Not today anyway.

Why bother?

The shower over, he slipped a towel around himself and tried not to shiver as the cold nipped at his skin.

/Took too much and now I'm done

It's all over but the crying/

1rst. 2nd. 3rd. Last.

Silly really how much placement meant to people. Akira was on the bus, trying vainly to concentrate on his history text which he usually got some enjoyment out of reading. After all, it was important to know what had happened in the past, what had occurred that had set up for the events currently happening. How else could anyone even understand what was happening now if they had no knowledge of the past?

Yet today the words held no meaning.

It wasn't raining today, though it felt like it should. Just so it could match his mood. Just so Akira could feel justified in having such a gloomy mind set. But no, it was sunny. Not overly sunny yet not cloudy either. It was one of those days that made both types of people happy, those who liked beautiful sunny days and those who liked overcast days. It changed with the passing minutes from one to the other.

It was… annoying.

/Do you really think I'm made of stone baby?

C'mon/

He flipped back a page, realizing belatedly that he didn't remember what he'd been reading about and that he had no idea who this person even was or why he was important. Berating himself silently, he was startled when his cell phone vibrated against his leg, from his coat pocket.

Who the hell could be calling him _now?_

He fished the usually convenient piece of technology and glanced at the screen.

1 Missed Call, 1 Message.

Akira blinked before dialing the number to get to his voice mail. The missed call was dated from yesterday. His eyes widened slightly as Shindo's voice followed that of the automatic general message explaining how many messages he had in his voice mail, his options of what to do with his voice mails and etc.

"Hey Touya…" The voice that was usually so vibrant sounded sheepish at first. As the message continued though, a defensive tone rose and took over. "I…uh missed you today. Sorry about that. I did get to your dad's go salon though. You were already gone though. You sure went home early. Anyway, something came up and well, we can meet today instead right? So no big deal, k? And please don't give me your usual lecture, ok? I get the whole responsible act enough from my…Shut up Waya!" The message went downhill from there. Akira's lips twitched slightly as if unsure whether they wanted to frown or smile. They did neither finally, a carefully composed and detached face settling on Akira like a mask. He deleted the message.

So Shindo hadn't come yesterday because he'd been with Waya and Isumi-san. Not that surprising after all.

They, hw, or Shindo's mother were the three excuses that usually kept Shindo from keeping his promises.

Did that make him 4th than in Shindo's priorities?

Akira tried to hide the wince the little thought had brought on. He turned his eyes back to reading the finely printed words.

Probably lower than 4th…after all, Shindo sometimes didn't have any excuses.

Shut up!

And he never asks how you are.

Shut up!

Definitely lower than 4th place.

Akira snapped the book shut, giving up. It was no use. He wouldn't get any reading done at this rate. And in any case, he was almost at the Go institute where his first student would be meeting him. The bus was already slowing down as Akira quickly shoved his textbook in his school bag. He stood up, the bus coming to a complete stop making him lean forward for a moment. Akira walked out, saying thank you to the bus driver, like he usually did.

And then he made his way up the stairs or was about to when he heard voices calling his name.

He turned around.

"Touya!" Shindo gave him a carefree smile. Behind him Waya frowned. "What are you doing here so early? I thought you didn't have a game today."

"I don't." Akira kept his answers short. He only had a limited amount of time. "I'm tutoring a go student here today. Excuse me." He nodded to them and started to walk again.

"What the hell is his problem? Too good to stay and chat?" Waya hissed, too quiet for his normal tone of voice and yet loud enough for Akira to hear. "What? He doesn't have to be so high and almighty with us. Cold bastard."

And Shindo? Well Shindo's words, Akira didn't hear them. The door had closed behind him. And perhaps it was for the better.

/That we only love the things we own?

Baby you're wrong./

"Oy Touya…wait up!" Shindo's voice was starting to haunt him. He paused in his footsteps again, carefully schooling his face to hide whatever he was feeling to the other boy. Whether it was frustration, agitation, hurt…it didn't matter. "Ignore Waya by the way. He's…" Shindo waved a hand in the air as if that explained things away. "Did you get my message yesterday?" Akira nodded before clearing his voice.

"I got it this morning."

"Ah." Both of them continued walking in the same direction. "So…uhm are we still on for today?" Akira felt tired. No more than tired. He felt cheated. Of what, he wasn't sure.

"If that's what you want to do." He was surprised by how civil it came out. Oh he was getting really good at that. Shindo gave him a look.

"I do."

"Then yes." They removed their shoes and Akira figuring that the conversation was over, was about to start heading into the actual game room.

"Wait up! Jeez…You're all…" Shindo trailed off and gave Akira a look again. "You ok?" The question threw Akira off guard and it took him a minute before finding his voice.

"Why wouldn't I be?" The thing that he did wrong next was actually looking at the other young man in the eyes. The grey-green eyes held him in that position, serious and looking almost…worried? They were intense and usually that intensity was reserved for the go games. His stomach clenched, uncomfortable with the situation-- uncomfortable with the emotions warring within him.

"…I…" Shindo started, the uncharacteristic seriousness not leaving him. "You're just not being yourself, that's all." Subdued. And it wasn't worry in those eyes. Guilt maybe? Or was it pity… God only knew what Ichikawa-san could have told Shindo if he really _had_ stopped by the go salon.

"As if you'd know." Akira found himself replying. The minute the words left him though, his throat tightened almost painfully. An awkward silence wrapped around the two go players as Shindo's eyes widened in surprise and pain when the words were acknowledged. He looked away, hands tightening. "I need to go." Akira muttered, more to himself than to Shindo.

/Certain things just happen when you make no plans/

This time when Akira started to walk away, Shindo let him. Shying away from whatever his mental voices might say, Akira started to re-schedule his day. Perhaps…perhaps today, he would not go to his father's go salon. But that small thought alone was enough to make his stomach cramp…

To Be Continued...


	3. Chapter 3

Ch3 

It was five o'clock now and somewhere in town, a bell was chiming. Akira remained seated on the wooden bench, his eyes downcast. He wasn't really looking at anything in particular. He was simply debating whether he should get up or not. Part of him wanted to. Needed to. He'd never _not_ done something before. Especially on a childish, petty, and helpless whim.

But…

Another part of him was dreadfully tired of the continuous disappointment. At the mere thought of entering his father's go salon, his throat constricted and his heart thumped painfully within his chest.

All he could see was that empty chair in front of him.

All he could hear was Shindo's equally empty excuses…

/And love can really tear you up

And it can break you down/

Empty chair

He let the minutes tick past him.

Empty home

His muscles remained tense, ready to get him up and take him the rest of the distance to where routines were in a comfortable rut of despair.

Empty excuses

Couldn't he be the one with excuses for once?

Empty love

Couldn't he be weak for one day?

Empty…

Couldn't he let go for just one day?

His life,

Just one day?

Akira closed his eyes.

…was Empty

Just one…He needed just one day of not being in his skin.

Was that too much to ask?

/Everything you think you know baby, is wrong/

The air around him cooled as the sun finally hid its face in the ever darkening sky. The bells were chiming once more. An hour had passed. Akira's eyes snapped open at the sound. He hadn't gone. He. Hadn't. Gone.

Hadn't waited for the other…hadn't hoped…

Why the hell did he feel so shitty? So guilty? Like he'd lost another chance, another game…another round. A trembling hand rubbed at his face and slowly, the teen pulled his legs to his chest. He rested his forehead against the top of his knees as both of his arms wrapped around his legs.

It was over. The words were repeated over and over in his head. It was over.

/It's all over but the crying/

Weary footsteps brought him to his home. He let his backpack slip off his shoulder, ignoring the beeping light of his answering machine. He moved deeper into the house, walking until he reached his chair. He flicked the computer on and waited for the technology to boot up. Numbly, Akira logged onto the internet and started to search for a new place to live. He typed in the amount he could afford to pay and scanned the growing list of descriptions. The words swam, meaningless, in front of his eyes. He didn't know what he was supposed to be looking for.

What made a place home?

What would be safe?

What was unnecessary?

What was?

The phone rang in the background, the noise shrill in the surrounding silence. He paused in the movement of clicking another link. For a moment he glanced away from the screen and squinted in the darkness. How long had he been searching? He blinked and pushed himself away from the desk. His head was throbbing. Akira reached for the phone.

"Touya residency."

"Touya?"

"Shindo…"

/Fade to black, I'm sick of trying/

The name was whispered numbly while his heart continued its strange beat inside his chest.

"Are you alright?" The voice on the other end asked worriedly. "I'm so sorry I was late again. I tried calling the go salon in advance today to let you know but…" Shindo's voice broke. It didn't nearly sound as confident as it usually did. "Ichikawa-san said you never came. I came…" There was a pause of silence, stretching between the two. Akira didn't know what to say. Didn't know if there was anything to say at all. He had the inappropriate feeling of needing to laugh. He'd been right.

Shindo had been late.

He'd called this time though.

He'd still been late.

A crooked smile made its way onto Akira's face. He sat back, leaning his head on the back of the chair so he could stare at the blank ceiling.

"What happened this time?" The question escaped him.

"Eh? What? Touya are you…?"

"What was going to make you late?" He interrupted softly, rephrasing his question to make it clearer. It was a bleak sort of curiosity—the type that hurts, searching for more evidence of the obvious. "Waya and Isumi?" He offered up when Shindo didn't answer right away. "Your mother? Or school friends? Or just…" Just nothing. Lost track of time. He heard the other's intake of air. "It doesn't matter I suppose." The smile fell away from his face. "I was tired."

"Touya…"

"I'm still tired."

"You don't sound good." Shindo started, worry becoming more and more pronounced in his voice. "Are your parents home or are they back in China?" The question was so wrong coming from his rival's mouth. It was just so wrong. And Akira didn't have any way to describe or explain why it was. It just was.

"Their home is China…" The whisper was too low for Shindo to have heard it. He heard the other's confusion. He made himself sit straight again, wincing slightly as his neck cracked from the awkward angle he'd been in. His green eyes focused on the screen once more. "Shindo," He cleared his throat. "Is there a reason for this call?"

"Are you serious? Touya…You-I-No-Yes-I…Haven't you been listening?" He'd never heard his rival stammer so much. The numbness inside of him grew.

"Go to bed Shindo. I'll see you tomorrow morning." He carefully placed the phone back into its cradle, ignoring the protests on the other end. He had other things he needed to focus on.

/Took too much and now I'm done/

"Akira-kun!" Ashiwara made his way to his side as he was removing his shoes. The older go player seemed worried. Akira focused on not losing his balance as he tugged the second one off. He'd fallen asleep in his chair last night and was rather sore and lacking in the sleep department.

"Is something the matter?" He asked carefully. The usually cheerful man seemed puzzled at that.

"Ah, Akira-kun…you're taking the words right out of my mouth." The man scratched the back of his head. "Ichikawa-san said you didn't come yesterday. Is everything ok?" Akira managed to muster up a smile in hopes to reassure and in hopes to get the other off his case.

"Fine. I was just looking at apartments."

"Apartments?! But you're still in school! You're much too young to be living on your own…" Akira waved him off.

"It's fine. My parents have already approved of it. Besides," He started to walk down the hallway to the main room. "It's what I want." Less empty rooms. Less space to accumulate broken promises and broken memories. "I'm sorry I worried you and Ichikawa-san. I should have called her in advance." Ashiwara smiled at that and refused to accept the apology stating that it wasn't necessary. He always did that. Akira had grown used to just not bother after the second or third time of trying.

"Shindo-kun was worried too, you know."

No.

"He called when he couldn't reach you on your cell phone. He was hoping I'd have your phone home…" The words were hesitant.

Oh.

So that was how Shindo had gotten that number. And that was why there were ten messages still waiting for him to listen to them.

"There was no reason to worry." Akira took his place. "He got through to me last night and we talked." He wanted this conversation to be over. He needed it to be over. He was confused enough as it was.

/It's all over but the crying/

He watched as others filed into the room as it came closer to game time. A quiet and subdued Shindo made his way in and Akira looked away. A feeling of shame rose and took hold of him on top of everything else. And yet the numbness took it over in no time and there was nothingness again.

/Baby, we're done/

Gods he was tired.

/If I could I would

I'd change everything/

The game was an easy win despite the fact that his mind was clearly elsewhere and he made mistakes a beginner would have made. He knew once the numbness inside of him wore off, that recalling this game would make him wince. And more likely than not he would feel the deep disappointment at knowing that if—no—when his father would see this game, he'd…Akira's fingers tightened in the fabric of his pants. Maybe it would be best _not_ to think about that right now.

He marked his win and turned to leave but found a pair of grey-green eyes pinning him where he stood. Shindo had been waiting, right behind him.

"Wait for me." The other mouthed. "We need to talk." He must have made some sign of assent because the tension in the other's shoulders melted away and he was gifted with a weak smile of relief.

In the brief time he'd slept last night…he'd actually dreamt. In the dream, Sai and Shindo didn't exist. That ten year old brat who couldn't hold go stones properly had never made his way into his father's go salon. The name Sai had never entered the go world. Had never been overheard by his father nor had it stolen his father from him.

Happy, right?

Good. Right?

Akira kept his eyes on his rival and followed when the other turned and walked out the room.

It'd been empty all the same.

A different emptiness.

But empty…

/Cause I can't forget you though you don't believe me/

It made him wonder. If he could choose to go back and change everything, would he? Which path would he choose to walk on?

…all the same

Which path would Shindo choose? He'd lost things on the way too…hadn't he?

"Touya are you listening?" The boy seemed exasperated and worried. "I don't understand what's going on. Was it something I did? Cause if it was, just let me know and I can fix it. I wanna fix this. Touya. Please."

I'd want to forget you.

And I can't.

Akira bit his lip. "There's nothing wrong."

"Bullshit."

"There's nothing wrong." Akira repeated himself more forcefully this time. Enough so that Shindo took a step back from him. "I was tired yesterday. I should have called to let you and Ichikawa-san and Ashiwara-san and everyone else in the world know about it apparently. But I was just tired. And now I'm fine. It's over."

He couldn't change the past.

Telling Ichikawa-san that the boy his age didn't have to pay…to let him off just this once…

He couldn't unmake decisions already made.

Waving that smiling and clueless boy over to a table…have you played before? What level are you? It doesn't matter…

He couldn't forget.

/Now I can't walk back

I can't leave behind/

He hadn't realized that they'd kept walking while they talked until fresh air slapped his face. He stopped in his tracks looking up to the bright blue sky. So far from reach.

"If you would like," Akira started. "I can make it up to you today."

/Where does it go all the light that we had?/

"I'm losing you as well, aren't I?" Shindo whispered. He suddenly looked younger than he'd had in years.

Vulnerable…

/Everything you think you know baby, is wrong/

"I don't know what you're talking about Shindo. Lose me?" As well? That one remained unasked. Sai? That one too.

/And everything you think you had baby, is gone/

"I _can't_…" Shindo started, sounding choked. "I can't _lose_ you as well." His sleeve was grabbed. "I can't… Touya…I can't…" A hard arm wrapped itself around his and held him in place.

The sky is endlessly blue.

Infinite.

So is the numbness of one's soul eroding under neglect.

Perhaps he'd been lost awhile ago.

He didn't know.

He didn't know anything anymore.

And maybe he'd never known anything in the first place.

/Baby we're done…/

…the end?...

Don't kill me!


End file.
